It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
