I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
