My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
