She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
no. you can't hotbox the world.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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