his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
