So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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