she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
