if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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