Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
