You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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