Ketchup is God's man juice
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
