so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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