Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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