I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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