To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
