I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Randomize
