she woke up with a sticky ear
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
