Jerry, you need to find god
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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