i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
