Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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