so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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