ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
