i barfeds in our rink
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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