Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
