my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's blow job season.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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