Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
