Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
