I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
