A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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