why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
