oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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