Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
