Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
