just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
