Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize