I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
then he tried to convert me to islam
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
