You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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