Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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