evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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