What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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