his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
