So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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