You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
