he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
