So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
