Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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