I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i already hear my dad disowning me
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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