Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
