Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
