Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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