I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
