we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
