I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
