we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
