I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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