Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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