I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
