its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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