I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
