one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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