Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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