omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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