You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
