It was confusing and full of hummus
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
