She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
