Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
