i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
